Great. Punzo Corporation’s General Mayhem Pirate Division is now hiring.
We have one interview question. Are you breathing?
If so, you’re in.
Welcome to the good spaceship Maximum Havoc (PCV 984), chartered under the flag of Punzo General Mayhem, and commanded by Captain Tetanus. She rules the ship like a vengeful and capricious god: cruelly but fairly. Follow her every order, or die trying, and you’ll do alright here, or at least be disposed of properly if you don’t.
The restroom is down the hall to your right. The coffee machine and crew mess are on the left, and the armory is at the end of the hall. Get yourself some armor, grab a weapon, and have someone explain which end you point at the bad guys. If there’s still time, have some coffee and one (1) muffin, both of which are excellent.
Make sure you use the restroom before we board the shuttle; we will not be stopping, and your suit and armor have no plumbing.
The mission briefing will take place on the shuttle, but don’t obsess on the details. This is high turnover, low margin business; a new pirate’s life expectancy is measured in hours, and you’re already 3 hours in. As I am management, and too valuable to go galavanting off on adventures, I’ll be here on the ship, monitoring your progress and hoovering up any remaining muffins.
Welcome aboard.
For the rest of you, if you're still interested in living the life of a space pirate, submit your email address below. HR will be in touch.
